Ever since people discovered the image of Alvin and the chipmunks getting head from the chipettes, there has been a constant debate on who is getting the best head. But everyone in that debate isn’t looking outside the box, or cage I should say. Look at their owner, Dave. He has 3 small animals under his control and can make them do mostly anything. The first thing he could do is get Simon to make him a head or anal machine, whichever he prefers. Since Simon is smart, he could make the best machine that makes Dave stop going after women and become an incel. But that would be one of the wrong paths. If you look through history, chipmunks have been seen with their mouths stretched full with food. If they can stretch that much, he could for sure get them to give him lighting speed head. They are fast little guys, so they should be able to get him to finish in record time. But the last and final choice is for Dave to stick them up his asshole. You heard me right, up his asshole. If they won’t crawl up voluntarily, then he’s gotta stick them up and trap them. Either they squirm and do good for him, or they claw through his intestines and cause severe internal bleeding, killing him. Either way, Dave gets his satisfaction.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.