It was absolutely fucking vile and disgusting. Whatever you’re imagining right now, it’s worse. Way worse. I’m still in utter shock and am completely apalled.

Last night, I woke up incredibly sick, with a very high temperature while somehow shivering severely to the point where I needed 3 heavy blankets on me. Yet my temperature was at 103.3 degrees. This was no hangover or anything, as I haven’t drank for weeks, not even on New Years Eve. I felt like absolute dogwater that entire day anyway. My stomach also was in immense pain.

Then, around 8:00 PM, when I thought everything was better, the stomach pain returned, I farted non-stop, and then suddenly, I felt a sharp pain in my ass, and then I felt an unfathomable amount of shit about to burst out of my ass. I ran at what felt like supersonic speeds to the bathroom, but I was moving far too slow as I had to clench my asscheeks with every inch of my strength.

Then, when I was literally 2 steps away from the bathroom, the shit got to such a point where I was literally paralyzed in that spot due to my ass cheeks being clenched, the only way I could move was to stop clenching. I knew that wasn’t an option, but as I was pulling my pants down, my heart dropped. My ass cheeks unclenched by themselves, and a massive stream of liquidized shit fell out for what felt like minutes. It was like I was peeing out of my ass, but it was shit. It wasn’t stopping, with each step I took, it continued, with the shit getting all over the floor, I didn’t even have the courage to look down, until I finally got onto the toilet. When I did, I nearly vomited. Shit was all over my legs, caked on, as if I just took a dip in Willy Wonka’s chocolate river, and on the floor, the carpets were stained, a straight path of a shit pile was leading to the bathroom. I stepped all over the explosive diarrhea.

The toilet seat was the worst part, though. As soon as I got on, practically the entire seat was smeared with shit, it looked like when you wipe chocolate off your chin with a napkin, but it was everywhere. I saw from across the room my underwear, and it was sickening. It was like a light brown coffee had spilled all over it, but remained the way it did while in the cup.

As soon as I sat down, the diarrhea continued to fall out of me at supersonic speeds like piss. When I pushed, it got even worse when I heard explosive fart noises. I felt like I sat there for hours, waiting for all of the shit to come out. I immediately took a half an hour long shower, thoroughly cleaning my body, and then proceeded to spend another hour cleaning up the mess that I made in the hallway.

Even then, I can still smell the shit on my legs, despite it being completely gone.