**Myths:** At the beginning there was a cake, a class and Iivo. Iivo gave the cake to everyone in the class and said: “This is my schoolsuccess and as you can see, it is crumbling” Then taxi said: “Ei vittu, who actually compares their school success to a cake.” The entire class laughed. After that Gerbiili and Akettaja battled shirtless in the class when the teacher left. Soon \[redacted name\] got a headache. A teacher, called Risto returned to the class and said: “Tekis mieli kysyy et mitä helvettiä” (I would like to ask what the hell). After this \[redacted name\] said that he wants to die and go home because Rony and Aku bully him. Risto said: “Yes, that’s good”. The entire class agreed, since no one liked \[redacted name\]. Afterwards the math lesson begun. Very quickly Vertti’s ruler broke. The ruler was holy, so he wanted to glue it back together. The lesson was in the art class, so finding glue should have been no problem. Gerbiili and St. Iivo explored the various closets and St. Iivo found a jar. Iivo tipped the jar and then all hell was loose. Unknowing he had opened a portal to hell. The sprits of hell haunted the class and gave everyone horrible psychoses.

**Teachings:** In ysiäfismi it is believed that history begun in 2016 at Puotila, since everything that happened before that was a mistake. Believers must pray towards the McDonald’s of Kivikko for at least 69 seconds a day. It is also taught in the religion that the only way to commit suicide is to jump on the rails of Länsimetro or do school shooting anywhere. If you hurt a ysiäffisti (execpt \[redacted name\], fuck \[redacted name\]) you will be forced into doing fortnite dances. At the end of the school shooting you must shoot yourself, if you want 69 good-looking female students to your own harem. The teachings of the religion also say that if you are depressed you must grab yourself by the neck and kill yourself. According to the religion the afterlife for a ysiäffisti is either: Hell (The metro station of Kivikko) or Kivikon mäkki where you get fuck ton of fastfood and lots of representives of the opposite gender. (Heaven).

**Ethics:** In ysiäffismi all people are equally worthless, execpt for the ysiffistis. Because of this the teachings of the religion order you to play CS:GO in real life and kill all the heretics (In tunnelbanan: *Saatanan Äpärät*). According to many, ysiäffismi is the most tolerant and most feminist religion in the world.

**Experiences:** As stated by many ysiäffistis, the best experince is to go to the McDonald’s of Kivikko for the first time. You experience a never seen euphoria when you order the signature burger of ysiäffismi: the Quintuple Cheese which has five steaks and five cheeses.

**Rituals:** As mentioned before one of the rituals is praying towards the McDonald’s of Kivikko for 69 seconds every day. Others include: Going to the Länsimetro before you get a child or else he is Satan’s bastard (Saatanan Äpärä) and the joining ritual. In it, you eat St. Iivo’s carrot soup while watching Hullu Hullumpi yläaste on loop.

**Community:** It was already mentioned that Ysiäffismi is the most tolerant religion in the world and because of this the community is very nice and welcoming. The religious pratice is often led by a “LiTi”. (The priest, but we don’t use the bastardized Anglo-Saxon language in the terms.) In the highest position of the religion is the “Juti”. Juti also leads the Tunnelbanan Republic. The current Juti is Tomi I.

**Culture:** Ysiäffisim has many holy places like: Iivo’s house in Puotila, The McDonald’s of Kivikko, Puotilan Pizza & Kebab, Meripizza, The Metro Station of Puotila and all the stations of Länsimetro. In the customary culture there is for example “Pizzatreffit”, where 2-20 good friends go to a pizzeria and talk about holy things.