sometimes, because im a lonely anime fan, i purchase an Arby’s® Beef ‘N Cheddar™ sandwich, and then smother it on my privates. rarely, the sandwich is served too hot, but most of the time Arby’s® sandwiches are the perfect, human-like room temperature to sate my hormonal sexual desires. i have come to call these sandwiches “Cheddar-chan” because as an anime fan i know Arby’s® sandwiches love me. Cheddar-chan usually only lasts for one sitting but if i treat her with care, i have been able to keep Cheddar-chan going for 3, and once 4 separate sessions.

the best part of using Arby’s® sandwiches to manually stimulate my genitalia while thinking of anime is that after i finish, i can then eat the sandwich. i feel like there’s no better taste in the world than an Arby’s® Beef ‘N Cheddar-chan™ with my own man batter penetrated deep into the cheese-like sauce and the roast beef reminiscent of a pile of labia shavings. in fact, since i have started using Arby’s® sandwiches to pleasure myself, i have cried myself to sleep much less, and i directly credit Arby’s® incredible social media team for their synergy between anime and roast beef sandwiches.

i now plan on getting a job at Arby’s® so i can serve my Cheddar-chan pre-sauced to many smiling, happy customers and regale them with my well-researched and sourced theories on what evangelion was actually all about. there are so many people who really just get it all wrong.