I’ll let you in on a dirty little secret. There actually isn’t an obesity epidemic in the United States. We’ve been faking it. It’s an elaborate ruse.

You see if anyone invades suddenly all these obese people will split off in to two people who are fully armed. You think you’re trying to take over in airport with a couple hundred fat people? No, it’s 400 highly trained special ops. Your elite advance units get wiped out to a man and you have no idea how.