[Source: The Cult of Integral](https://github.com/Catterall/the-cult-of-integral)

Recently, I and my wife were at a party for our 1st anniversary. To celebrate, I thought it’d be funny to cum on a sandwich and use my semen as butter; this was a big mistake.

My wife bit into the sandwich then immediately projectile vomited 10ft in front of them, knocking down and breaking the very expensive, $100,000 glass painting she had bought me. Then, bits of sandwich and semen dribbled down her nostrils, causing her to sneeze all over the children nearby, resulting in one of them dying from a viral infection.

But it gets even worse. The force of the vomiting and sneeze sent my wife rolling 5ft behind her like a haybale, knocking into and snapping all the table’s legs, causing all of the food planned for that night to fall to the ground in ruin. Then, my wife crashed into the wall, sending a shockwave throughout the entire building that knocked everyone off their feet.

But it gets even worse. As everyone was getting back up in a panic, my wife – gases filling her stomach from the semen sandwich, let off the largest and greatest fart of all time. The force of the fart was so extreme that it sent my wife parading through the air like a balloon, filled with air, let go. As my wife zoomed past everyone, every member of the party then also threw up due to the horrendous smell of the fart, except me, who got an erection from it.

But it gets even worse. As my wife crashed into the center of the room, another giant shockwave rolled out in all directions, flinging everyone in the party at their nearest wall like a child flicking an ant. Eventually, everyone lay groggily, face buried in a pile of their own sick. Meanwhile, my wife lay dead from the impact.

But it gets even worse. One of the women from the party, who I thought was 18, landed so that their face was directly in front of my cock and balls. Already with an erection, instinct took over me and I dropped my pants and immediately shoved my massive, 5-inch throbbing penis down her throat. I simply couldn’t hold back and began fucking her face like a wild dog in heat, growling and angrily pushing her further into my balls, slamming her against the floor, and thrusting into her throat until it bled. It was only when I heard several people shouting phrases such as: “Stop that fucking pedophile” or, “She’s only fucking 14!” did I realise my intoxicated mistake.

But it gets even worse. After the party, I was arrested for 2nd-degree murder, rape, child rape (the judge was so outraged, he split charges to give me a longer sentence), poisoning, and harm to the community. He gave me 126-years in prison and one final wish before I’m sent to live alone and embarrassed forever.

My final wish was to give a PSA to all people of Reddit: do not, under any circumstances, give your wife a semen sandwich, or this could happen to you.