Wipe it on your pants like the filthy barbarian that you know you are. Society is too weak to handle slightly damp pantlegs; you aren’t.

They will look at you with shock and disgust, saying things like, “You know your pants are dirty, right? You have to wash your hands again.”, and “You look like you peed your pants!”, But these are weak words from weak people who know not the harshness of the wilds.

In the bathrooms of your homeland, you had to track down wild toilets for miles in order to take a shit, rather than using the domesticated toilets that people take for granted. People know not of the struggle of fighting for your life against a wild toilet as it tried to eat you, all while pinching your butt cheeks together to avoid shitting your pants.

So go ahead, brave warrior. Wipe your sopping wet hands on your pants. You’ve earned it.