As a stupid 10 year old I was angry at him over something stupid and decided to punish him. My dad always threatened to punish me with his gun. I had always seen in moves that people get shot and they go to hospital and they’re ok. So I thought it’s not a big deal.

My dad always used his gun in front of us so I knew how to shoot. I picked it up and shot my brother in the leg when he was sleeping. I don’t remember much about what happened after that but I didn’t see him again. He left to stay with grandparents and my parents told m he didn’t want to see or hear from mr again and he’ll never forgive me. And that’s what I’ve always heard since then from them.

Now that I’m older I see things differently. While I carry a lot of blame here and am very remorseful, it wasn’t solely my fault. My dad left his gun loaded and accessible, the safety wasn’t even on, he threatened to punish us with the gun so I thought it’s not a big deal.

I really want to reach out to him and hear what he has to say, and maybe I can apologize and tell him how sorry I am. and maybe see if we can move past things and if he can forgive me. My parents have however always remained firm that I should respect his wishes that he wants nothing to do with me (or them).

What should I do?

TLDR: Shot older brother in the leg when I was 10 using my dad’s gun. I haven’t talked to him since then but want to reach out but not sure if I should. Need advice.